Every person I know, especially every mom, is constantly working on balance.
My son Isaac, who I love and fight so hard for, is alive.
At seven years of age, he defied the curse cast over his life, the disease which attempted to limit him to just 2-4 years with us. I am so proud of all that he has made it through. After he was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs Disease, we found a cord blood transplant treatment for him across the country at a major university, and so I took time away from my career and our life as we knew it.
8-12 weeks of treatment turned in to almost 8 months in a city and life completely foreign to us. We were in a downturn in the housing market and had to short sell our Ramona home. We got rid of most of our belongings. This was outweighed by the ability to fight for our son. When we came home to San Diego, we celebrated Isaac and we dared to slowly establish a new normal with a full-time-care special needs child.
But now, after this huge fight and victory, I feel like I am failing at the tasks of domestic life. Many balancing acts rest on 3 elements.
You want work done for you?
The 3 related elements are time, quality, and cost.
You generally get to pick two of the categories to be in your best favor. Well, I love, care for, and advocate for our son. I work outside the home, to earn a living, pay taxes and maintain health insurance. I’m supposed to keep up with the home. My mail piles up. The floor needs to be swept. Laundry and dishes get done, in spurts. The yards are overrun with weeds. I don’t know what to do first some days. I don’t like the feeling of failure.
It is a lonely feeling. Our neighbors who aren’t as close don’t understand our situation and I feel judged. I guess I should be outside keeping up appearances instead of hugging my son, doing his exercises, or reading to him?
I can’t let it bother me for more than a few minutes. We work on the home when we get another trifecta: time, money and energy.
Until then, we keep smiling, keep cuddling and keep swimming.