Sing it with me now: “Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends?”
Well, sometimes it’s because we just aren’t meant to be.
Moms are constantly told that they need a ‘mom tribe’ a ‘squad’, women to commiserate with. It’ll make motherhood easier if you have women around you who just ‘get you’.
The thing is that that bond can take time to build and it may not be for everyone.
Some women do better alone.
Sometimes similar personalities clash, while other times opposites can be a disaster waiting to happen.
Then there’s the rejection you’ll face.
Yes, there will be rejection. Sometimes we meet a woman we have everything in common with and it’s magical. We hope this is the person we can laugh and cry with. We hope that this is the person we can call text at midnight to ask about diaper rashes. Unfortunately, we might be met with rejection. The friendship can just fizzle out. Or you might not make even make it to the first playdate. Your friend request will go ignored and you’ll feel hurt. Maybe you’ll be the one passing on the invite for coffee.
It’s how we handle that rebuff that is crucial. You can’t take everything personally! Equally important is how you dish it out. Words hurt, so does exclusion, while you can’t be friends with everyone there’s no need to be catty about it.
This is where our children come in. They will face the lows of making new friends and will need our guidance. They might not want to invite everyone to a sleepover, fine, but it’s how they hand invitations out that makes a difference. Your child may not want to attend that sleepover but it’s how they turn it down that matters.
We’re all walking the same path but might be at different points on it. Don’t give up on friendship and don’t close yourself off to new pals.
We teach our children about navigating friendship, how to make new friends, how to keep old ones. We must also teach them how to handle the inevitable lows.
What words of wisdom do you tell your child about friendship?
Yes, there is truth to this but let’s not forget that sometimes it’s the kids that get along and the moms don’t. Then you seem to want to force things along for the sake of the children.
There are many reasons why adult friendships fizzle out, or don’t flourish. I’ve had a difficult time with this in my adult years. Carrying old friendships from many years ago, only to see busy lives drag us apart. Or trying to put myself in the middle of a group of moms, only to feel like the odd woman out.
You can’t and won’t always be friends with everyone. It’s just not feasible.