As we get closer to when schools will start their transition from “Social Distance Schooling” to Phase 2 – Blended Learning (or in some schools, full-on reopening), I must admit I am worried. Not only worried, but also feeling slightly ashamed of my decision.
Once upon a time, I actually felt good about my decision and I envisioned it being the right choice. But, as time has gotten closer, I have begun to worry. I don’t know about your child(ren)’s schools, but mine has been great at communicating. Actually to the point that sometimes it was OVER COMMUNICATION. Actually, One Funny Mother did a pretty good video making me feel less insane about it, lol. But, it was to the point where I even had actually turned to my local moms’ FB Group to get help! I was just getting so lost and confused.
There were so many tracks and options, and I was appreciative, but still, LOST. Though, more options are a sign of trying, right? I am glad they would give each child a choice. But, in my kiddo’s case, I didn’t really feel like the choice was ours.
Sadly, the one thing these schools didn’t take into account was the number of kids living in a shared legal custody situation. Some couples divorce for reasons and one of those is non-aligned thinking. Maybe one takes the COVID and quarantine regulations more strictly and the other well doesn’t really believe COVID is a “thing.”
In our case, that makes it hard to decide on a path. And this is where I must admit, I feel like I failed my child, my partner… and myself. I honestly didn’t feel like I had it in me for another battle, even if my health was on the line. I chose to let this be the fight where I let the CDC and the school district make the calls. I put it in their hands, and here we are just weeks away from risking it. Did I take a coward’s path?
There was a time where I was almost okay with my child going back to school, I saw hope. I saw plans in place, but now I just worry. Seeing the numbers coming from San Diego State University sets that worry back in.
I was almost on board with the whole school-back idea. I know how important friends are for mental and emotional health, especially during tween-teen development. Now, I worry, which health means more???
Maybe I shouldn’t worry, but I’ll be honest that I have underlying medical issues. My partner is far more worried that agreeing to this means a big risk to me. He’s probably right, but I continue to pray that I’m just doing what is best for my child above it all.
I’m hoping leaving this in the hands of the school district will be what’s right. Thankful my child was already a fan of wearing a mask, and as they say, “the masks calm [their] anxiety.” We’ve been so careful. Praying this was right.
I share all these insecurities and doubts, not really for me, for us, but for you! I see you Mama, I know you are worried too. I know you’ve done your research. I know you’ve ached and put every thought into that school survey. I know you’ve also changed your mind about a million times, but guess what, it’s ok! I did too. You aren’t alone. I pray we all did what was right for our families’ success. I pray for your family’s health.
We got this. We can do this. And as Glennon Doyle puts it, “We Can Do Hard Things.” Just remind those kiddos, wash your hands and air hugs are awesome!
Good Luck Mama!